Forgiveness: A Command and Blessing

 Forgiveness: A Command and Blessing

Today is the day—pie day! I am so excited. My husband just made his amazing sweet potato pie. This pie is so delicious that it makes my youngest son and me behave as if we were hired for pie duty, with our only task being to make sure we each got a slice—and only us. Equally—because we are not allies.

Things became more territorial after convincing my husband to make mini pies so we could ration them equally. I don’t know what he puts in the pie that makes it so addictive, but our home becomes a battle zone over equal rights to pie. We don’t become mean, but we do become steadfast.

Well, on this day, things were rough. Husband made two single pies—one each for me and my son. Things went wrong when my husband wanted a taste of his own creation. He wanted my pie.

Before he made the pies, my son and I shared our expectations since he refused to make minis. The understanding was that my son and I weren’t going to share our pies with anyone—not even the chef himself. If he wanted a taste, three pies needed to be made (talk about indignation, right?).

So, when my husband asked for a taste of my pie, I said no and stood my ground. See, I had “prepared” him. I made myself abundantly and undebatably clear that I wasn’t sharing.

I also felt a sense of entitlement to behave this way because, after all, the pie was too good to be shared. In my head, hubby should have thought, “Wow, the pie is so great they won’t share it with me. I must make awesome pie! This is funny, and I respect them being stingy because, after all, I make great pie. This is kudos to me.”

NOPE!

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The Dialogue

Hubby (playfully): May I have a piece of your pie?
Me (sarcastically): Absolutely not, Sir!
Hubby (shocked): So, I can’t have a small piece?
Me (indignant): Look, we told you before you made the pies—if you want some, you need to make your own pie. We weren’t sharing.
Hubby (flabbergasted): I can’t believe you’re going to be that selfish!
Me (jesting, unsympathetic): Call it what you want. This is how we learn. I bet next time, you’ll make another pie.
Hubby (debating): And do you think this is godly behavior?
Me (confidently): I can’t go to hell for not sharing pie! Don’t even try it, husband!
Hubby (displeased): I am so disappointed in you.
Me (jokingly): Oh well, I still got pie!

(Hubby exits. Son enters.)

Son (humorously, laughing): I heard the conversation!
Me (mockingly): I know, right…in here trying to get my pie.
Son  (teasingly): I don’t know what to say, I am not sharing.

(Son exits.)

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Then it happened. I sat there quietly with my thoughts. Is it really about pie? Could I be out of order in something as simple as wanting to keep pie for myself?

I prayed and asked God, Is this ungodly behavior? I mean, after all, although we were serious, we were still playing. It’s just pie!

Immediately, I learned in that moment of prayer that I was indeed out of order.

I was being manipulative, trying to control a possible future occurrence. I was selfish by not sharing, under the falsehood (lie) that I was showing appreciation, when really I just wanted it for myself. I wasn’t being kind because I wasn’t considering how this might make my husband feel—dismissed. I wasn’t being faithful in what I perceived as “little.”

I failed at being a good steward for my son. I wouldn’t want this kind of interaction for my son with his wife. And most importantly, I would want him to honor his father because the Word says:

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
📖 Colossians 3:20 (NIV)

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Yes, we all found humor in the situation, but how far can this go? Could this bleed into future situations where misunderstanding might take root? It’s a thin line when playing with ungodly behavior—risking patterns that get out of control.

The issue is that we should be quick to follow what we know God would smile upon. A pie—a gesture of love from hubby—should have been received with an appreciative heart. An exchange of gratitude. A shared slice if requested.

Not just for my hubby, but in respect for the Lord.

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
📖 Luke 6:31 (NIV)

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I thought I was the victim. He thinks I’m playing about something important. But not this time. I’ll put my foot down, and he’ll learn today… and pie will be my catalyst.

But during prayer, I realized this was really a forgiveness issue.

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In my prayer time, I learned that forgiveness is both a command and a blessing.

Most of us have heard that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself. That unforgiveness punishes you by holding your mind and emotions hostage with anger or fear. Sometimes, the person you need to forgive is yourself.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
📖 Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

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When you forgive, you no longer abuse yourself with fear and anger. You replace them with joy and peace through conversation with the Lord and the help of the Holy Spirit. You become thankful for the change of mind and heart. The blessings of God follow, and you feel better, think better, and inevitably, do better.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
📖 Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

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See, the pie was something the Lord allowed my husband to make for his family. The Lord! He blessed him to be a blessing. He forgave our stinginess in advance and gave it anyhow—because all things work together for good.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
📖 Romans 8:28 (NIV)

An argument over pie ownership turned into a blessing, because I realized the blessing really came from God. That I wasn’t just being out of order toward my husband, but toward the Lord who allowed this gift for me and my son.

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During prayer, I realized I needed to give my husband a piece of pie—in obedience to God. Then I felt urged to serve it to him as well. (I was like, “Come on Jesus, I got to serve it too? I can’t just text him a message to get a slice?” The answer was clear: Nope. You must serve. You must honor.)

Needless to say, I hurried downstairs and asked my husband if he wanted a slice. He looked at me curiously and replied yes—but asked what made me change my mind.

I replied, “Umm…doesn’t matter. You want a piece? Here you go.”

That reminds me—I owe him an apology too.😬

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Sometimes, situations arise for us to show up and do our best. What slice of pie are you willing to share today? I had to learn to share forgiveness.

It may feel like a piece of you has been cut away, and your flesh may resist sharing what God has commanded. But disobedience can arise out of fear, greed, control, hurt, envy, hate, dishonor, and more.

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

📖 Colossians 3:12–13 (NIV)

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Encouragement

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
✝️ Matthew 6:14–15 (NIV)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
✝️ Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV)

“All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.”
✝️Deuteronomy 28:2 (NIV)